Wednesday, May 30, 2012

To adopt or not to adopt? ..... NOT a question

Shortly after all the rush of emotions as we possibly got lined up to be adoptive parents two years ago and then not, Logan lost his job. We struggled through the year as Logan tried to find his place in the working field. Honestly, I don't know how we survived as I was not making enough money to pay all our bills, but we somehow survived through it all and Logan finally got a great job last December. Now that we feel like we are more financially able to pay for an adoption and can afford the things needed to support a child we decided we would pick back up on and finish our adoption paperwork once and for all. We set up an appointment with LDS Family Services and were anxiously awaiting that appointment.

We realized that, until we have children, there are three days we are going to have to "conveniently" miss church - Mother's Day, Father's Day and the day the Primary children do their Sacrament program. Mother's Day started out like any normal Sunday. I was excited to go to church, I had a new way cute dress I was planning on showing off and then it hit me about half way through taking the Sacrament....IT'S MOTHER'S DAY! I tried to keep my cool as I listened to the speakers talking about their mothers. I held back the tears when the Primary children sang. It is a rough feeling not knowing if I will get to be a mother in this lifetime (I pray and hope that I will...but you just don't really know) and I thought I did really good keeping it all in... until the Bishop got up to speak. I cried through his whole talk. It was a great talk, don't get me wrong, just made me very emotional. At some point in his talk (sorry that I don't remember Bishop Towers but that is when I lost it) he mentioned to not forget about the women who have not had a chance to have children of their own and started mentioning amazing women in our ward and how they "mother" in their own way. I don't know if he didn't mention my name because I don't do anything spectacular or because he saw me bawling in the corner, but I am kind of glad he didn't. I tried to hold back the tears and look up as often as I could to show that I was listening to his talk, though clearly I wasn't really processing it, and noticed my oldest brother sitting on the stand to the right of the Bishop with tears in his eyes looking my way. I lost it again, and am actually trying to hold back the tears now as I write the flow of emotions I had that day. I turned and noticed that even Logan was crying. After Sacrament meeting we quietly slipped out the back and spent the rest of "church" at home with each other.

Fast forward to last Wednesday. We met with our caseworker at LDS Family Services. Since it has been so long since we started our paperwork we have to start everything over from scratch. We sat in the office and completed as much as we could right there. Statistics are not in the favor of adoption but we were presented with options and are still pushing forward with everyhing. I have faith that no matter what, we will do what we are suppose to do and we will either be blessed with a child one way or another, or will be comforted in whatever reason it is that we will not have children. I believe that Heavenly Father has given this trial to us for a reason and have faith in that reason, no matter how emotionally draining it is.


I have started a new weight loss program that is teaching me how to eat correctly (I DON'T eat salad, most vegetables, or fruit so I have a rough time getting the necessary vitamins and nutrients my body needs), and focus on myself. That, surprisingly, has been A LOT harder than I thought it would be. There are motivational talks included with the weight loss program and one of them struck me pretty hard. It gave the example of when you are on an airplane the stewardess explains that in case of an emergency oxygen masks will be released from the overhead compartment and that you are to put the mask on yourself FIRST, and then help others around you. We have all heard that, even if you haven't flown on an airplane. It goes on to say that if we try to put the oxygen mask on our children or neighbor before putting it on ourselves we might pass out due to altitude, or other circumstances, before having the chance to help anyone else. Now turn that example around and apply it to your life. If you always go around saying you are "OKAY" and continue to serve others and be busy-busy-busy (yes, I created my own word there), everyone else around you will be "okay" and you will just end up being burnt out. 

I always wanted to be a mother. When I was a young girl, I didn't want to waste my time in college because all I wanted to do was be a Mom. Now here I am, 30 years old...childless and unable to have children, working at a dead end job that does nothing but make me feel useless and does not allow me to use my full potential. You would think that since I don't have any children I would have TONS of time for ME....not so much. Working full time, family, visiting teaching, friends, cleaning, cooking, serving, crafting, church, YW Camp, QUEST, and so on... its all quite exhausting!

I love doing service for others, and no matter what I have going on, I push it all aside to help. I feel selfish if I am not doing something for others which puts me in a predicament concerning the last few sentences of the first paragraph. Take time out for me and feel selfish or end up being burnt out. Maybe some of my readers have some words of wisdom they can share as to how the make it all work. Either that or unknowingly I am going to start a "selfish" movement that helps women take better care of themselves (all while still allowing them to serve others, of course).

After explaining my situation to a concerned family member, I was asked if I should ask someone to take my responsibilities of QUEST because I should take time out for myself. (For those of you who don't know, QUEST is a youth "camp" where youth from our area and surrounding cities/towns will get together for a week of spiritual fulfillment and will be re-enacting the stories in the Book of Mormon. It is a quest for the youth to become more like Jesus Christ. Learn more about the Book of Mormon here.) I immediately told her no because the church and my service in the church is keeping me grounded. I am so excited for QUEST and being able to see the youth participate, and participate myself in this type of spiritual activity is what I want and need.

 I love the gospel of Jesus Christ and my faith in Jesus Christ has given me the strength to hang on during this bumpy ride of life.

So all you wise friends who are reading this, how do you do it? How do you have lives, children, jobs, errands, chores, provide service, do activities and still keep yourself sane, mentally and physically grounded?

Updates to come

I see that I have been having some people "check up on me" so it was a gentle reminder that I need to do some updating. Keep checking back.... Updates to come!

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

OH NO....It's the big 30!!!

It is that time of year. We have a whole month to remember, reflect and celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, spend time with family and friends, and do service for others. It is also that dreaded time of year for me. It's time for another birthday.

I am torn this year, more than others. I am happy to have a day to celebrate ME, but at the same time, I am feeling a little down and out about it. Three years ago Logan got a very pricey speeding ticket on my birthday and last year he was laid off. *Knock on wood, fingers, toes, arms AND legs crossed, and praying that neither happen this year.* And then I remember that when I was younger I always had a goal to be a stay at home mom with at least two or more children by the time I was 30. I could picture it so clearly in my head. And here I am, living the clouded picture of my day to day life, ready to turn 30 years old, and it is nothing like I had imagined it would be. Then come rushing back the flood of feelings and emotions I have been feeling over the past few years and I just get even more down and out.

I would love to have a get together or a huge party with friends and family. But my birthday is so close to Christmas, and most people are out of town. I would hate to ask those friends that are in town to take time away from their family and Christmas festivities. What to do, what to do?!?!

Screw it! Either way, I am going to CELEBRATE and I would love to celebrate it in style. (BTW - I love LOVE LOVE this glass! I am partial to anything Zebra print! It is a fruit punch/water glass, right!) So who is going to join me?!?

If anything, I will just become one of those women that turns 27 years old eight consecutive years in a row! Whatever your plans this Christmas season, I hope everyone has a very safe and Merry Christmas. And always remember the true meaning of Christmas!

Per the request of Chelsey, Christmas decoration pictures will be posted soon. And there will be another post someday soon about a new job!

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Super Cute

So, I am usually not one to do these kind of posts but these are SUPER CUTE and I have to share. The ladies at are doing a give away. Look through their pictures, they have such cute things and at a great price.

Come can you not love this:

Or this:
Or these:

(Photos and designs belong to The Wood Connection, please do not steal them!)

So go to their site and check out there stuff (they have a store in UT for all you lucky ladies out west)! And yes, they have things other than Christmas...I am just getting in the Christmas mood a little early!

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Pet peeves...

I feel like I am driving all the time. Drive to work, drive to church, drive to meetings, drive to the store... It's a never ending battle that I admit, I used to enjoy. That was before I started driving behind stupid people. I use to enjoy my relaxing commute to and from work, but now I feel like I look like this more often then not: I have been thinking about writing this post for quite sometime, but I keep adding to the list of my driving pet peeves...and I don't ever think that list will be complete. I honestly think that the state needs to enforce people to take the driving test every time a license is to be renewed. After seeing how people drive I can imagine how many people wouldn't be on the road.... Ah, what a great thought! I have composed a list below of a few important things everyone should know before driving...

1) Roundabouts: Yield and enter the roundabout when there is a space for your vehicle and do not stop until after you have exited. This means that you are not to enter the roundabout and stop at every street to let out everyone else waiting for a space for their car. There are people behind you trying to get home, or to work, or to get their screaming child to the doctor, etc.2) 4 way stop: Everyone must come to a complete stop when at this sign. Whomever was the first to the sign proceeds through the intersection first. If you and someone else got there at the same time, you yield to the person on your right. If there is someone on your left and no one on your right....that means YOU GO FIRST. Don't wave the person to your left and tell them to go first. You are messing up everyone and making them forget how to use a 4 way stop. Also, the person with the largest or most expensive car DOES NOT GO FIRST, unless they were at the intersection first. 4 way stops aren't that confusing people...
3) Lane Ends - Merge: This means your lane is ending and you need to merge into the other lane NOW. This does not mean speed up as fast as you can and try to squeeze your SUV into a spot intended for something the size of a 4 wheeler, then curse at someone for not letting you in and almost forcing you to hit their car.
4) Cell Phones: I am one of those that is big about not using your cell phone while driving. I have a bluetooth vehicle that allows me to talk on my phone without having to touch my phone. I have seen way too many people driving along, swerving from lane to lane because they think it is more important to read the latest FB update or email than save the lives of them, their passengers, and the people around them (my husband and father are two people on the road that cant wait until they stop or get home to read the email they just received). I fully believe that someone needs to come out with a vehicle that disables all functions of a phone, other than the phone feature itself, while a vehicle is in drive. 5) Interstate: I think this one is my biggest issue since I am on the interstate at least 2 times a day. When you are merging onto the interstate, you are to be going the speed limit of the interstate or close to it. FYI - For anyone who didn't know, the speed limit on I-75 throughout the Gainesville area is 70mph (you have been informed). This means everyone needs to be going at least 65mph by the time they hit the interstate. This will help all the people behind you as well as the people currently driving on the interstate to not have to stop or swerve to ensure they do not hit you. I like to think of the on ramp to the interstate in a few different ways.
a) A airport tarmac - The state provides you with ample space to increase your speed to "take off" on the interstate. There is no need to be going 40mph after almost a mile of ramp space.
b) The drive-in scene from Back to the Future 3 - Doc: "All you have to do is drive the time vehicle directly towards that screen, accelerating at 88mph."
Marty: "Wait a minute Doc! If I drive straight towards that screen I am going to crash into those Indians."
Doc: "Marty, you aren't thinking fourth dimensionally. You will instantly be transported to 1885 and those Indians won't even be there."
Marty: "Right....!"
If people would just drive towards the screen (of cars on the interstate), accelerating toward 70mph (since 88mph is breaking the law), they will be transported (able to merge) right in line with the Indians (vehicles) and it won't even be a problem.
Problem solved!!!!

Oh, if only there were no stupid drivers!

But then again, if everyone drove perfectly we wouldn't have people like this to laugh at....

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Crazy couponing...

I am super excited so I will apologize in advance if this post is boring to you!

I have heard about these women who go into stores with tons of coupons and a strategy and walk out paying very little for a lot of groceries. I have looked for coupons and use them occassionally to save a couple bucks here or there but I never realized what great deals are out there to be had. After watching one episode of Extreme Couponing I was hooked. I recorded 5 episodes, sat my husband down, watched them together and said I wanted to be like them (though sometimes they are a bit too extreme). Soon after I was getting a tutorial and walk thru to learn all about "couponing" from my awesome friend and visiting teacher, Stacy. I still didn't know if I could do it...but I was willing to try.

My first find - Pop Tarts. To me they are okay but my husband likes them, and they are convenient for him to grab on his way out the door for work. He really isn't a breakfast fan but will eat Pop Tarts so I will take what I can get. I got boxes of Pop Tarts for $0.96 a box, normally $2.59 a box. I got a good deal and was ready for more.

I started looking for deals and coupons and came across a steal of a deal. Mueller's pasta on sale at Publix, Buy One, Get One Free. Two boxes normally cost $1.47 each just became $0.73 each. Then I found a coupon for $0.55 off 1 box. The have to register and email address on Mueller's website to get two coupons. I registered my normal email and got two coupons and headed to the nearest Publix. Out the door I got two boxes of pasta for $0.37...that is $0.185 per box!!! I paid with the change in my wallet. WOW! At this point I was excited. We don't really need any more pasta but hello... it has a two year shelf life. Food storage here we come.

I have tons of email addresses with misc. business ventures I have tried, old email addresses I didn't think worked any more, work email, personal email, and my husbands multiple email addresses. I was able to get 30 more coupons (yes that is 16 email addresses between me and my husband...don't judge). I went to work today with the intention of running to Publix on my lunch to get the deal of my life (or at least the day, since now I know what I am doing... I better get more deals like this). I was excited and shared the deal with my co-workers. One even asked if I would show him the "tricks of the trade" so he can teach his wife how to save money! At this point I was stoked and ready to go. But the closer it got to my lunch break...the more nervous I got. I was sure the store was going to limit the amount of coupons I used, or all my coupons were going to crash the computer and I would have a little old man standing in line behind me, very upset that he has to wait for me.

Finally, feeling very anxious/nervous/excited, I headed to the store. I loaded up my cart with 30 boxes of various pasta and headed to the front lanes. When the cashier saw my stack of coupons she sighed. OH NO! I upset someone already...I don't like that feeling. After confirming with her that I had 30 coupons on 30 items she seemed happier and the transaction went smoothly, for the most part. She somehow managed to not scan a box of spaghetti which threw off the whole transaction. After 5 minutes of counting boxes, looking at the receipt, counting the amount of coupons scanned, the manager coming over to manually enter $1.65 worth of coupons because it just wasnt working, and apologizing profusely to the old man standing in line behind me (see, I knew that was going to happen), we got it taken care of and I was out the door with my prize!

32 boxes of pasta: Retail cost = $47.04.

Total out of pocket cost = $5.92

4 Angel Hair (2 whole grain), 4 Spaghetti (2 whole grain), 4 Penne (1 whole grain), 3 Elbow Macaroni, 3 Sea Shells, 3 Corkscrews, 3 Ziti, 2 Linguine, 2 Fettuccine, and 1 Tri Color Rotini.

I feel like I have accomplished some great feat. Though I also feel like I stole from the store...and I know I didn't, the deal is just unbelieveable!!! I am super excited about this deal and I am even more excited about my next great steal of a deal. Now... where do I put 32 boxes of pasta?!?!?